Help, My Parents Eat Animals – 5 Tips for Conflicts And Painful Pressure

Different dietary patterns usually extend beyond the plate, especially around the family table. The fact that you reluctantly and guiltily refuse the with much effort prepared products of animal origin at the table, that your father cannot imagine a life without “his piece of meat” on the plate, and that your mother will not give up the cheese platter with red wine under any circumstances, usually leads to arguments sooner or later. After all, you, like your family, have probably been an indulgent meat eater for a long time, and you often took your cheese sandwich to school.

Nutrition is not just about eating; it is not just about satisfying our stomachs and absorbing nutrients. Gathering around the table is a cultural good, a social gathering where values are shared and mutual appreciation is shown. But what if your own values suddenly run in a completely different direction; what if you suddenly feel “out of place” and it seems impossible to show tolerance and respect for your family’s behavior? We want to take care of this problem and give you 5 tips to experience a more relaxed interaction at the non-vegan family table.

Conflicts And Painful Pressure

Changing your own eating habits goes hand in hand with changing the habits of those around you. As the saying goes, when you change, your environment automatically changes with you. But not always in the same direction. The vegan diet is on the rise, and once you discover this lifestyle and internalize your new values and behaviors, not everyone in your family will immediately share your convictions. You are often accused of rejection, disrespect, intolerance, or even fanaticism. Rejection of the traditional good, rejection of your own culture, rejection of the original values, rejection of your family. But where do these different views come from that lead to such conflicts, a roller coaster of emotions and great suffering?

U.S. social psychologist Dr. Melanie Joy addressed this issue in her doctoral dissertation, analyzing the omnivorous and vegan eating patterns of people from a psychological perspective. She coined the term “carnism” (Joy, 2013). She describes the phenomenon of “eating animals” as an invisible, unconscious ideology that is ingrained in us from childhood; that determines self-evident beliefs and actions in our model of society, but that originally involves violence. In order to act against our intuitive morality, or to support this system, we have accepted and adopted mental “defense mechanisms”. Changing long-established eating patterns is probably one of the most difficult things to do in life. After all, these are habits and preferences that have been cultivated for decades and have become familiar and dear to you.

An Emotional Topic

By far the most common motive for choosing a vegan diet and lifestyle is of ethical nature (Hopp et al., 2017). The suffering of animals is at the forefront, not only the killing, but also the keeping of animals for a piece of meat, a glass of milk, or an egg for breakfast.

Once we have internalized this scenario, it is often difficult to show the appropriate respect to omnivores, especially in one’s own family. After all, they are the ones with the different and obviously inappropriate eating habits. It feels as if you are suddenly an outsider and may even be belittled or criticized for your behavior.

The subject of diet, with its psychological background of eating animals, is immensely emotionally charged. But consider this: the vegan diet, and with it the idea of respect for animal life, is on the rise, and with it the number of people who are experiencing very similar things. You can talk about this inner struggle, exchange ideas with like-minded people. A good platform is our Facebook group “ecodemy Family”.

Tip 1: Stay True to Your Values

You’ve probably heard statements like “Come on, just this one time” or “That’s Grandma’s famous cheesecake. You used to love it so much.” In this situation, only you know why you chose not to consume milk, cream, and eggs. The only way to communicate this value is to be true to it and to yourself. In order not to face these unpleasant situations with heated arguments, be prepared: set the table with delicious vegan dishes to have an alternative ready which you can offer to your family to try as well.

Tip 2: Communicate Your Attitude

In order for people to understand your attitude toward veganism and your values, it is important to talk about it openly and honestly, without pointing the finger at their seemingly wrong behavior. Tell them how you feel, that you will continue to treat them with tolerance and respect, but that you have reconsidered and changed your attitude towards how to eat.

You cannot influence or change the reactions of those around you, but you can control your own reactions to what they say and how they behave. Do not become a victim and do try to remain calm. Resistance and blame usually only bring more of the same, because pressure always creates counter-pressure. Patience is needed and sooner or later the acceptance of your family will grow. Even if they never appreciate your behavior, you will certainly share it with like-minded people along the way and may feel it.

Speaking out about your needs and values is a right you have. But, most of all, it is the actions you take that will have an impact on others.

Tip 3: Actions Speak Louder Than 1000 Words

Suddenly you are cooking with completely unfamiliar foods, you have a more appreciative attitude toward your food, maybe your health is improving, you are exercising more, and you are developing in a positive way both physically and mentally.

In the end, it’s the results in life that make others aware of our changes; and you cannot produce those with mere words. No argument, no matter how powerful and emotional, can create the curiosity in others that an obvious change in your appearance and behavior can.

Take care of your own food stock, experiment with different recipes, go on your own culinary journey. Eventually, you will pique the interest of one or two family members; let them in on the secret and show them how to get through the day healthy and happy with plant-based foods.

Tip 4: Reflect and Understand Criticism

Especially in the beginning, you will not be spared critical remarks from those around you. Again, patience is needed. It pays to stay calm and listen to criticism. People often say things like, “You’re not getting all the nutrients you need,” or “We all used to eat meat,” or “Veganism is too extreme, and expensive.

Put yourself in your parents’ or siblings’ shoes for a moment and ask yourself one question: Why are they criticizing you? It is certainly not because they want to judge you as a bad person with wrong values. The background is usually fear, a sense of their own devaluation, and a justification for their eating behavior. They are insecure, feel attacked, and just want you back in the old familiar, harmonious atmosphere around the family table.

If you show them that you treat them with tolerance and respect, and do not take every argument as a vicious attack, it can make your time together much easier. But how do you maintain that inner calm and respect for people who trample on your own values? Keep in mind that while this rethinking and questioning of our consumption of products of animal origin is growing, it is still in its infancy. Many people want to maintain their lifelong culture and habits at all costs and are not ready to change. But on the other hand, you can exchange ideas with like-minded people, you can share your values. This mutual recognition and appreciation is what really matters in the end. Maybe one or the other member of your family will be ready to open up to the vegan idea at some point.

Tip 5: Acquire Profound Knowledge

In order to have factual, competent arguments and a wealth of knowledge about the advantages of a vegan diet, it is very important to inform yourself. Besides the ethical, ecological and humanitarian motives, which you can learn about in books and documentations, it is also the health aspects that can be gained: Who has not at one time or another struggled with their health and well-being; perhaps even inevitably with an illness.

With expert knowledge about this, you will have the tools to make your own diet healthy with potentially critical nutrients in mind. At the same time, you can share this valuable knowledge with your family and friends. After all, everyone can benefit from this. You will become an expert on your heart’s desire – your vegan lifestyle – and there is even the possibility of turning that expertise and passion into a career.

Exactly for this purpose we offer you the unique distance learning course”Vegan Nutritionist”. You will receive professional knowledge based on the latest scientific findings, a course that is state-approved by German authority.

Conclusion: Vegan vs. Non-Vegan Family

The vegan family is a seemingly illusionary idea for most. After all, vegans are usually the exception at the family table, triggering conflict potential with their different worldview and not least with their behavior. The most common motive of vegans is an ethical one. To know about the suffering of animals and at the same time to see the products of animal origin at the family’s dinner table increases the emotional pressure of suffering.

Stay true to yourself, your attitude, and most importantly, your values. There will always be situations that will push you inwardly to anger and obsessive justification. In such emotional moments, exchange with like-minded people you will meet you with understanding and also give you comfort. Always remember the many benefits of your diet and lifestyle, and do not moralize or devalue anyone. In addition, professional knowledge will help you communicate your beliefs competently and confidently.